Carter Pearson: John, my son. NBA free agency has taken over the world. This July 1-7 were the craziest NBA days since Ron Artest scared white America like he was Eminem.
But, because this is The Mid Range, and you can get your reports from Woj and your trade grades from literally 100 other websites, I think we should ignore all of this player movement for now.
I want to talk about what it truly important this time of year — basketball movies, pick up and made up basketball tournaments featuring washed up Big 10 players.
Specifically — I want to talk about the best basketball movie ever made. The instant and revered classic starring Samuel L. Jackson and Ashanti — “Coach Carter”.
Some background, Samuel L takes over as head coach of a struggling public school team, and through the tried and true methods of yelling, Bill Cosby level respectability politics, and humiliating his own son, leads them to the promised land of beating richer private schools. Is the plot basically Friday Night Lights? Yes. Is Samuel L a good actor? No. When I was in high school did I think the entire film was set in Richmond, VA not California? Yes, and that was very confusing to me, because Richmond, VA is different than the one is this film.
For starters — did you see this movie and do you have thoughts? If not, go watch this movie and get back to me.
J.D. Crabtree: RIP Shaun Livingston, the Warrior. That’s all I got for this offseason.
I saw Coach Carter exactly one time, and enjoyed it. And sorry but I don’t think there will ever be a movie about Virginia high school basketball. And I can say that because they will never make a movie about Tennessee high school basketball. They only make basketball movies about high schools in Harlem, small towns in middle America, and places in driving distance from Los Angeles.
Before I get into any plot points or disagreement in its ranking, we have to talk about this being Channing Tatum’s film debut. Channing Tatum, the stripper, earned a starting spot for Richmond High School to kick off his illustrious acting career. He of course played small forward because you can’t have him handling the ball or making serious post moves for tier 1 cinema. So he did a lot of stuff where they cut away from him as he went up for lay-ups and steals. He also was disgruntled, but so was the whole team. There is this vacated Facebook profile for his character that I’m obsessed with. I need the log-in.
Best basketball movie ever made? ConfusedNickYoung.gif
White Men Can’t Jump? Glory Road? Hoosiers? Space Jam? That scene were the Fresh Prince hits a three pointer for the opening tip? My top movies only have winners, not a bunch of strippers that lose to Ty Crane.
Maybe I need to go watch it again but I don’t remember the heartbreak ending being close to the Friday Night Lights final scramble. There was also some major character development in FNL that I don’t recall in CC. Wasn’t it one sweeping issue that the team didn’t like to study? Then they studied and could execute back cuts. The FNL crew each had their own complex backstory, and the Booby Miles scenes still make me tear up.
Woah, I quickly turned this into too negative of a review. Coach Carter is a good movie, but not the GOAT.
Speaking of GOATs, are we in basketball movie drought? I believe we are looking at over a decade since anything worthy, unless the Marvel Universe snuck one in there.
CP: All fair points. And perhaps it isn’t the GOAT, but if it was good enough that I forgot Channing Tatum and only remembered the kid from the Disney Channel Original Movie and the other kid who was later in Old School, I think that is pretty impressive.
Also lol @ you not thinking of small town Tennessee as Middle America Mr. “I wore my letterman jacket to high school”.
To further this research, I watched the last hour of FNL on the plane yesterday, and you are right, that film is a different class. Even if some of the scenes of Dallas Carter being “city boys” against the respectable country (re: small and white) youths of the Permian Basin made me a bit uncomfortable. Also, how the fuck does Winchell not extend the ball at the end? Come on, man.
I think we are in a severe basketball movie drought, but it has basically been replaced by Instagram videos and the Balls. How would you make a movie that accurately portrays youth basketball at this point?
Plot: Star player leaves his goes to college and the league. He has a lot of friends on the Internet but has played for 3 different high schools. I guess you could have a Mighty Ducks situation where a Charlie Conway-esque figure leads the left behind team to a championship, but that is not realistic and it’s really hard to have any stakes in games where guys are taking 32 footers and not defending.
Whoa, sorry, got a little old school coach there.
Basically — I think we don’t have basketball movies because they can’t make sequels, AAU sports have zero stakes, and the most reliable sports movie trope (scrappy white kids succeed over inner city kids) is not super appropriate for the times.
(We don’t count Uncle Drew and neither should anyone else.)
But, we are overlooking the obvious choice here: Space Jam 2 is coming. What are your thoughts on LBJ taking over from MJ?
JD: I can count on one hand the movie sequels that worked, so the odds are against him succeeding.
It is fair to give LeBron a shot and see if each generation’s player can capture the collective athletic heart. Space Jam 2 will attract viewers and revenue, so this won’t be a bad financial decision, thus it’s success comes down to the Rotten Tomatoes and cult followings of the world. And those mobs are impossible to predict and bribe.
I do see some logistical issues with the Monstars. The first set were the following: Muggsy Bogues, Larry Johnson, Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing and Shawn Bradley.
Muggsy and Bradley allowed for easy transitions to goofy aliens. Since everyone in the league now is 6’7 and shoots 3s, is there just going to be an army of Fun Guys? Not sure, maybe Jokic should be The Joker to mix it up.
But maybe this will turn into a childish version of the Bond series where we keep seeing new plots and villains, thus tuning (really want to use Tooning there Carter) in each time for a dose of entertainment.
Hey, you know what else has cinematic potential, the Big3. Listen to this quadrant that just got expelled from the league: Lamar Odom, Jermaine O’Neal, Bonzi Wells, and Baron Davis.
Let me do a quick Big3 bio for those unfamiliar or confused why Cuttino Mobley highlights keeps showing up in their Instagram feed. Starting with the formal description:
“Big3 is a professional 3-on-3 basketball league founded by hip hop musician and actor Ice Cube and entertainment executive Jeff Kwatinetz. The league consists of twelve teams whose rosters include both former NBA players and international players. The rules enforced in Big3 games contain major deviations from the official rules of 3-on-3 basketball as administered by FIBA.”
The Mid Range description:
“A place where a bunch of retired Tier 2 NBA guys in their late 30s and 40s play half-court basketball for Ice Cube’s financial gain.”
What a beautiful time to be alive when you can buy tickets to watch Scalabrine and the Ball Hogs match up against the Bibby and the Ghost Ballers, or take the kids out for a fun evening of Dr. J calling non-stop pick-and-rolls for Stoudemire and Nate Robinson during a Tri State home game.
I would argue this is a league full of Monstars and we don’t need a plot line. Cooks, have you ever watched the beauty of a Big3 game?
CP: I have not, and I need to remedy that quickly. I’m going to assume and not verify that Mike Bibby is running out here with a team that aims for the very small intersection of people who wear MAGA hats and watch NBA games (Renner?).
If it’s like any 3 on 3 game I’ve ever seen, I’m guessing there will be some fun action until it is 7-6, at which point the 4 people on the court who aren’t very good will stand in the corners and breath heavily while the good guys go one on one. And maybe every other possession you see a half-hearted pick and pop.
Just for kicks, I’d love to see Zach Lowe or Cleaning the Glass go deep with some film breakdowns of the Big 3. Although I guess it’d be similar to watching Rockets film. So, I think I may be out on that whole tournament.
Should we get to the main event of the summer? No, not Kawhi’s free agency or the AD trade or Grayson Allen absolutely punking Grant Williams. I’m talking about TBT.
Since you explained what it was to me last night, can you give the people a little primer on this too? I’d also love to hear your highlighted squad. I’ve got my eye on a few classics from our teen college basketball fandom to run by you as well.
JD: So there’s this other minor league of sorts basketball thing called The Basketball Tournament. This one is a bit less bling and Ice Cubes and more about a cutthroat basketball battle royale. Way better for the cinematic landscape (scoring >30% on Rotten Tomatoes).
TBT is very simple. It is a 5-on-5, winner take all tournament with a grand prize of $2 million. It is an open-application, single-elimination format consisting of 64 teams every summer. Remind you of another tournament? Except this time the players directly profit, not the governing body or athletic departments.
There are all-alumni teams, men’s rec league powerhouses, and even teams sponsored by current NBA players. It is And1 mixed with The Rookie, all with a touch of Glory Days by Springsteen.
It. Is. Beautiful.
And look at this, I’m going to create our first cliffhanger. You are going to have to tune in to the next edition of The Mid Range to get my favorite for The Basketball Tournament. Come back for Edition #8 for a full preview of the world’s greatest medium for players misquoting their college stats at the post-tournament bar gathering.
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